Didn't We Love
by Jade-Max
Summary: Tahiri song fic. 2 years after Anakin's death she's reflecting on her feelings. Please RR!


Oct 2002  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own SW, that's all property of Lucasfilm.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Tamara Walker, I'm just borrowing the lyrics.  
  
AN: Tahiri fic set 2 years after Anakin's death. I strongly suggest finding a copy of this song (Check the Coyote Ugly Soundtrack) and listening to it as you read. It will give it a greater impact, trust me.  
  
  
  
Didn't We Love  
  
  
The young woman settled onto the large boulder overlooking the sea, the spray from the waves tickling her bare feet as she dangled them into the crashing surf. Her long, tanned arms stretched out behind her, she shook her blonde hair out of her eyes and watched as the sun dipped beyond the horizon. The rock was warm, baked from the sun's rays and radiated heat through to her skin. She barely noticed, her eyes stinging from the salt water spray. The sky darkened, the stars beginning to wink in the black blanket. Over the horizon, the glow of the rising moon began to gain strength  
  
*Quarter Moon,   
Always makes me think of you.  
Are you thinking of me too,   
When you see it shine?*  
  
*It's kind of sad  
But I'm smiling, imagine that  
'Cause we were lucky to have what we had,  
If only for a time.*  
  
Tahiri Velia tucked her knees close to her chest as she sat alone on the deserted beach. The wind tugged at her hair, blowing it around her face as she watched a quarter moon begin its nightly climb. She swallowed hard as the private memories began to pour forth of their own accord. Two years. It had been two years today since she'd lost Anakin Solo. Two years of pain, sorrow and loneliness. Two years spend missing her best friend.  
  
She wanted to bow her head, to burry her face in her knees, but she couldn't. Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched the moon climb slowly over the horizon, the darkness enveloping her like a familiar friend. The moon. Solitary in its nightly climb, in it's ever changing cycle. In a way like Anakin's life. Starting slowly only to gain strength and substance over a period of long, lonely days before a single, brief shining moment. She smiled through her tears, remembering how he'd died. But what a moment.  
  
Her throat was tight as she remembered the fierce determination in his eyes, his voice. His consideration for her, struggling to reassure her he would be coming back. Only, like the moon, he'd faded into the darkness. 'Are you thinking of me Anakin?' she wondered silently, brushing the tears from her cheeks and not noticing when they were immediately replaced. 'Can you still see me or hear me wherever you are?' She felt her throat tighten further with emotion, unable to tear her gaze off the moon. Why, after two years, did she still feel as if she'd lost him yesterday? What had happened to time healing all wounds?  
  
His blue eyes, sparkling with mischief and love, flashed before her eyes. 'He will always be young,' she found herself thinking, tears continuing to trace tracks down her cheeks. While she aged, got older, he would remain the same. He would never have the chance to grow old with her, to live with her. He'd never have the chance to have a family with her, something she wanted more than anything. Yet, the little time they'd had together had been precious, priceless. Anakin had been her friend from the start, her support and strength.  
  
He had been the one person she trusted implicitly. Anakin. Her Anakin. Even if he'd never said the words, he had been hers. Just as she'd been, and always would be, his. She brushed her hand across her face again, the soft light of the moon illuminating the gentle swells of the ocean and the vastness of the dark sky above her head. They'd been like shooting stars; invincible as they'd streaked across the heavens together.  
  
*Didn't we set the nights on fire  
Did ever a flame burn any higher  
Wasn't it so sweet, wasn't it, didn't we love?*  
  
Her mind went back to their last moments alone, before her world had shattered and he'd been stolen from her forever. Anakin had been so shy, so uncertain. She'd cornered him in his quarters aboard Lando's ship, determined to spend the night so she could talk to him. He'd been flustered, though he'd tried to hide it in his awkwardly endearing kind of way. She'd talked him out of it, out of being nervous about having her in his quarters. She'd encouraged him, practically begged him to do it. She, the younger of the two, had been the one to take the initiative. Finally, with gentle coaxing, she'd broken through his restraint and convinced him to kiss her. Not just any kiss, but a kiss of passion like she'd always dreamed to get from him. At fifteen she'd never been more certain about someone in her life and the intensity of their emotions had been staggering. The shock enough to drive them apart, yet ignite the air in the room. A simple kiss between them had shown that, together, they'd been dynamite.  
  
*It's okay  
Sometimes I just get this way  
I can't forget you anyway  
I wouldn't even try.*  
  
*I'd rather fall, then never to have flown at all  
It was heaven after all  
If only for a time.*  
  
She brushed her sleeve across her cheek, her gaze focusing to the moon again as she smiled through her tears again. Knowing what she knew now, would she have done it differently? Would she have shied away from him to save herself the heart ache? She shook her head in mute denial. 'I'm sorry, Anakin, but even knowing you would die, I'd still take the chance and love you. Knowing the pain and heart ache that were coming, I'd still do it over again. I know you wouldn't want me to hurt, or to ache so completely like I've lost my heart, but I wouldn't trade what we had for anything.'  
  
The wind caressed her cheeks, throwing ocean spray into her face and she inhaled, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Spending time with Anakin had been like standing too close to a power cell. It had left her charged, emotionally and physically. He'd been taken from her before they'd had any chance to explore the next step of their relationship. She fought to stem the flow of tears, the emotions that poured down her face, but couldn't find the strength. She'd loved him completely, with total abandon, and even now she felt the same. She'd believed they could do anything as long as they were together. And now he was gone. Gone because he'd sent her away. She fought down the resentment, the belief that if she'd stayed he would be alive today and felt the tears come harder. They hadn't had long to be together, not the way she'd wished, but what they'd had was special. More than special, it had been magical.   
  
  
*Oh, didn't we have it all back then?  
Will I feel that way again?*  
  
As she stared at the moon slowly beginning to descend towards the ocean again, her thoughts slowly organizing themselves back into a semblance of order. Would she ever find anyone who could affect her as Anakin had? Did she want to? She'd had everything with him; he'd been her family. She swallowed hard, brushing her cheeks again and fighting a sob. His eyes had promised her forever, something she'd wanted more than anything. Would she ever find that? Would she ever be able to face another man, knowing what had been? What should have been?  
  
*Didn't we set the nights on fire  
Did ever a flame burn any higher  
Wasn't it so sweet, wasn't it, didn't we love?  
Isn't it bittersweet, isn't it, didn't we love?*  
  
Slowly she pushed herself to her feet on the rock and planted them carefully, her bare soles cool on the damp rock. She stretched her arms towards the heavens and the waning moon, remembering the feel of his arms around her, the thrill that shot through her system with his every touch. His gaze had been enough to set her pulse thundering through her system. She turned in slow circles, her hands reaching for the impossible goal of the moon as she was slowly soaked with sea spray. Silently she sent her thoughts towards the body in the sky. 'Anakin. If you can here me wherever you are, I love you.'  
  
Fin. 


End file.
